kissing your shadow

i cut a hole in the floor beneath my bed to hide all the bottles i'd filled with the hair i cut off while you sleep. tiny pieces here and there, you never notice but my bottles do. i hear them clinking at night.

when you cut your fingernails, i pluck them out of the ashtray. i'm writing you a love letter with them. so far it says "i'm sorry i stole your key and made my own copy but it's winter now and you started keeping the curtains closed". i need more fingernails.

ah, i wish you knew about our first date. it was the time we went to the carnival and you went on that ride seven times that night. it was hard, always getting the carriage behind you without you seeing me and calling the cops.

i can't wait until you move in with me. the basement is almost set up, i'm just waiting on those chains to arrive from the hospital. i had to tell them they were for an art project and i couldn't find them anywhere else. they needed the money anyway.

i like the shirt you chose this morning, did you know the last time you wore it was to dinner with your girlfriend three weeks ago? i remember because it's the night i drowned that kitten i found on the street.

i felt bad later but the name tag said "laurie" and i hate your girlfriend's name.

now i'm going home to cook the same meal you are cooking. it's as though we're dining together. soon enough we will be and i won't have to walk so far in the cold to find out what we're having.

i'll see you at bedtime.

xox